No cars, no bikes

Sitting in a local Baton Rouge coffee house this evening enjoying a rambling post-meeting meeting chat (yes, there was a meeting following a meeting this afternoon / evening) my conversation partner said, "I was in New Orleans on my usual Saturday 50-mile ride with a friend . . . " when I interrupted.

"Man, the streets in New Orleans are pure crap! Except the ones that have been resurfaced recently."

"Yeah," says my friend, "New Orleans lucked out with Katrina."

Huh? Lucked out?? That's not the way I usually think of it. But then, I imagine you, diligent reader, don't think of it that way either so I need not go on.

Except for the conversation, which did continue . . .

"I mean," says he, "all that Submerged Roads money following the storm. They have bike lanes on St Charles . . . "

"What?!? St. Charles? They MUST have repaved St Charles!"

"Yeah, part of it so far but the rest of it is going to be paved . . . and St Claude and even Decatur . . ."

"You mean," says I, befuddled, "a REAL bike lane and not the fake one they put down for the protest?"

"Yes, a REAL bike lane. The city came back and put one in after the protest."

"Well, I'll be damned . . . "

And so it went for a bit. I drifted off into a memory of being in New Orleans a year or so ago when I had to ride from the Bywater to Felicity and Annunciation (a few blocks river-side of Magazine) to meet a friend then book it on down to a park on Carrollton at South Claiborne for the Bike Easy 2nd Line Ride.

The streets in the Bywater were comparatively smooth by New Orleans standards and exhibited a characteristic exaggerated humped aspect to help shed water into the gutters with their 2 to 3 inch drop off from the asphalt onto brick or cobblestone. Narrow but straight, they were easy to ride with clear sight-lines and interesting streetscapes to hold my attention between intersections.

The intersections required all my attention as the buildings were constructed out to the edge of the property line  leaving only the sidewalk between the building and the street. This makes for completely fucked up sightlines for drivers on the intersecting streets with their stop signs. Almost every car comes hurtling out of the side streets about half a car length before stopping (mostly) as the driver checks the cross street for traffic. A bicycle can alter course VERY quickly with what seems a small twitch of the handlebars, especially when motivated by drivers' potentially homicidal behavior.

Crossing into the Quarter heading upriver meant the streets were (mostly) smoother and (mostly) empty given the hour and the day. It really is pleasant riding through the Quarter (relatively) early in the day before the city starts moving in its hangover wrapped shuffle.

The CBD is not bad either but things decay pretty quickly, quite literally, on the other side of the Expressway / Crescent City Connection.

The street I was riding on as I neared Felicity was a torn up, patched up, pot holed piece of shit (so typical of New Orleans streets) that beat me up pretty badly. I turned off it onto another street to take me down a few blocks to a parallel - and hopefully much smoother - street but, to my horror, the street I turned onto was no smoother and its cross streets had their original cobblestone paving exposed. A nice touch for tourism, no doubt, but no delight on a bicycle.

Shaken AND stirred, I gathered up my friend and we headed up the newly resurfaced Magazine Street toward Audubon Park and Carrollton. What a delight! Light traffic, new street surface, pretty weather . . . very nice . . . until the new pavement ended and we were back on the ruinous surface of the old street.

I managed to tune back in to the conversation at this point, picked up the thread of the conversation and said, "It mystifies me why a city like New Orleans, with the crappiest of streets and so much motor traffic, can have so many bicyclists while Baton Rouge, with relatively good streets, has so few."

Add to that the curiously post-Apocalyptic quality of Baton Rouge; post-Apocalyptic in the sense that the streets are curiously empty yet the buildings are intact, the lawns trimmed, the lights on. On a couple of occasions lately, while riding around Baton Rouge with out of state or foreign guests, I got this question, "Where are the cars? You couldn't ride in <their home city> without having to deal with traffic."

Strange indeed.

Stranger still is the view held by natives of the Red Stick that "you can't ride a bicycle IN Baton Rouge!" This is such a strongly held belief that an earlier version of the Adventure Cycling Association map with the spur from the Southern Tier into Baton Rouge used to have a text description saying something like, "The 24-mile spur into Baton Rouge takes riders to the airport in north Baton Rouge. Local bicyclists say you can't ride into downtown but you can rent a car at the airport and drive to New Orleans. [emphasis mine]"

Really? You can't ride into town? But it's okay to dump strangers on bicycles at the airport? Nice, especially since many of the riders coming into town are headed to New Orleans . . . on BICYCLES.  Great way to make sure they not only never come back to Baton Rouge but that they only stop long enough to get a candy bar, a Gatorade, and advice on the quickest way out of town, which is no mean feat from the airport.

So how is it that a place that has really bad infrastructure and lots of motor traffic can have a strong bicycle culture while a place with relatively good infrastructure and almost no motor traffic (IF you know where you're going) can have almost NO bicycle culture?

A Sermon from the Church of Two Wheels

Dear Friends,

And I do mean Dear Friends. Before we turn to today's lesson let us first turn to each other and express our love for each other regardless of the number of wheels we may roll upon. One, two, three, four, or more, we are all roadway users in the eyes of the Great Law Maker in the Sky. Wave with ALL fingers extended. Smile with your eyes. Embrace with true meaning.

Thank you, Friends.

Today's lesson comes from the Book of Intersections, Chapter One - Right of Way and the Righteous.

For it is written, "He who passes through an intersection without turning to the left or turning to the right but who passes forward unerringly shall be Righteous and be found pleasing in the eyes of the Great Law Maker in the Sky. For the one who passes forward unerringly shall be given the Right of Way and shall take it and be glad in it.

"And he who does NOT pass through an intersection moving forward unerringly but who wishes to turn across the path of the Righteous Forward Moving One shall wait patiently, making the Sign of Turning Thusly for all to see and to approve and to find Righteous. And in doing so He Who Turns Across the Path of the Forward Moving One will be seen as Righteous as well and will be found pleasing in the eyes of the Great Law Maker in the Sky.

"But Woe be unto the one who says unto himself, 'I will be nice unto my fellow roadway user and I shall let him pass across my path even though I have the Righteous Right of Way and I will wave broadly behind my shield and trust that he may see my gestures and trust in my goodness and know that I am not simply sitting in place playing with my telephone and not paying attention and he will know that I am Righteous and would never suddenly run forward to crush him under my many wheels.

"For the Great Law Maker in the Sky knoweth that crossing paths are fraught with danger and did Lay Down the Law for the good of all and many that they not be crushed nor broken nor left bloody. For it is Good that All Roadway Users know whereof they travel and when and how and not be subject to the many and sundry whims of chance and foolishness."

Can I get an AMEN Brothers and Sisters?

Thank you, Beloved! That was a mighty AMEN and pleasing to all.

It saddens me to tell you that even I, even this day, even now on the way to this glorious meeting of Roadway Users did find myself standing at an intersection in the dark, cold, and wet of this night signalling my left turn across the intersection. The light turned green and the driver across the way, headed toward me, sat still as a stone when the light turned green. There were no turn signals flashing; I could not see any gestures urging me to cross his path.

As I stood there continuing to signal my turn with more traffic building up behind me I thought, "My but it's cold (37 degrees) and, while it's not raining at the moment, it is very damp indeed."

Sad to say, Brothers and Sisters, I began to lose my composure and did start to bellow at my Fellow Roadway User to MOVE IT YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY. Truth be told, Friends, I may have used the word "dickhead" or the like toward the end and if you may have been the one who believed they were doing me a favor, I beg your pardon, for I should not have called you "dickhead" or "douche bag" or "fucking idiot" or whatever it may have been I bellowed just before you finally moved across the intersection clearing the way for the rest of us to safely and sanely continue on our way.


Remember, Brothers and Sisters, the ways of the Great Law Maker in the Sky are NOT mysterious but rather are rational and sane and are borne on a desire to see us make our way safely in the world without mishap. Trust the Great Law Maker in the Sky and you will come to know the Clear Way Home.